the builders are in
the builders are in

April 29, 2011

Dear friends,


We have the builders in at St Cliff’s and all is not well.

    The vestry ceiling had long given up any expectation of repair and was no doubt bracing itself for a lifetime of vertically directed abuse from dripped-on visiting preachers, whereupon, at the eleventh hour, its salvation has finally come, if only in the unlikely form of Messrs Darren and Dave, aka Dardav Building Contractors, no less who, having graced us with their much-tutted estimates way back in the mists of time have, to everyone’s surprise, suddenly, and with much commotion, turned up and are at this very moment disemboweling their well-used and presumably one-MOT-away-from-the-scrap yard transit van, a vehicle of such consideration that it felt duty bound to give us the courtesy of a two minute advance warning of the arrival of their be-overalled artisans by means of a smoky fanfare of explosions played upon a none-too-melodious, rust-infested exhaust pipe.

    The valiant ladies in the church office have already come to the aid of these ‘saviours of the vestry’ by their masterly recognition of the aforementioned Dave’s somewhat puzzling hand motions which, whilst completely throwing me, were immediately interpreted as an urgent request for ‘life-saving’ liquid refreshment which, in my opinion, appeared to have been excessively enhanced with enough sugar lumps to keep a Shetland pony happy for life.

    I have made a mental note to recommend these ladies to St Cliff’s prayer ministry team.
Such discernment is indeed a gift!

    I have also made a mental not to nip in the bud young Darren’s already irritating preference for addressing me with the interchangeable variants of, ‘bush’, ‘your holiness’, ‘viccy’ and, presumably when he believed himself out of my earshot, ‘the pope’.

    Language would seem to be his particular forte, though my Pocket Collins Dictionary seems to be strangely silent with respect to the majority of his single-syllabled colloquialisms.

    I will collar the bishop at the ministers’ fraternal and run a selection of Darren’s offerings past him. Perhaps he is a little more au fait with the common parlance.

    Onward and upward.