Dear Sir

A veritable conundrum indeed!

Whilst there are those of my flock at St.Cliff’s who are convinced that I pre-date a certain Noah this is assuredly not the case and thus I am not able to give you a categoric answer to your fine question, chiefly because I was not there at the time. But lest I be accused of skirting around your pertinent ‘poser’ allow me to proffer some thoughts nevertheless. (Having only recently secured this slot as a regular columnist on this enterprising internet portal I can ill afford to burn my boats quite so soon).

Here are my considered musings.

Should you have ever had cause to peruse the opening passages of the Bible (I am assuming dear sir that you possess a copy of the aforementioned book) you will notice that on the third day of creation land appeared from beneath the depths of the sea. Having been given the command (by God) to ‘subdue the earth’ it seems to me that this topographical predicament would have rather scuppered things things for Adam (the world’s first incumbent of the human frame). How on earth (forgive the pun - sometimes I just can’t see to help myself) was he to fulfill this weighty mandate without drowning in the process?

Having scratched my clerical pate (while supping my ritual elevenses to oil the wheels of inspiration) I have come to the conclusion that because of these oceanic obstacles a belly button would have been an absolute prerequisite for Adam.

Why is that you ask? I will tell you.

It is clear to me that to traverse the seven seas some sort of ‘navel’ experience would have been essential. I trust that your mind has now been put to rest.

Onward and upward

Derek