Dear friend

You will not be unaware that the question you ask of me has been the cause of more than a few ripples within ecclesiastical circles but rest assured, it is one that I intend not to shy away from.

For a man who has faced headlong the much weightier dilemma of how to remove Mrs Higginbottom from the organ rota at St. Cliff’s (that we might enjoy a much needed reprieve from her terrifying and discordant tones) this thorny topic is, by comparison, a ‘breeze’.

Between you and me, it has not escaped my attention that we at St. Cliff’s, (because of our particular brand of churchmanship) are rather inclined to cream off the pre-school market by virtue of throwing open the doors to one and all, regardless of their previous track record with regard to God.

Whilst this somewhat ‘ups’ our flock tally in the eyes of my fellow clergy (and between you and me I need all the help I can get in the kudos stakes when it comes to our ecumenical ministers’ fraternal) I concede that our watery ways do somewhat lay us open to accusations of fudging things.

To that end I have hit upon a veritable comprise that I trust will both appease those who disapprove of the practice of sprinkling infants (and the charge, no doubt, of cashing in on the investment at some future date) yet retaining our tradition for accessibility to those presently outside the proverbial fold.

Having thus installed a brand new font at St. Cliff’s sporting an impressive 2ft x 2ft bowl, from next Sunday henceforth we will be offering full immersion infant baptisms.

This compromise is something that I trust will be acceptable to both camps.

Onward and upward

Derek